Of Hobbits, Wounded Hearts, and Healing

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep … that have taken hold.” Frodo Baggins from Return of the King.

From the first time I heard them, these statements haunted me. At that time, I was in the middle of a situation I would never have imagined – marriage to an abusive spouse. My heart was bruised and broken, wounded beyond repair. I completely identified with Frodo – some hurts did go too deep.

I escaped my abuser, and as time and distance from the situation became a reality, I began to wonder. Did the hurts really go so deep that they took hold and became something God could not heal? It surely did feel that way. Of course, my mind told me God can do anything and the scriptures plainly say  “…with God, all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26b.  But my heart was still a mass of confusion and pain. Maybe this is it, I thought. This is as good as my life will ever be. I will be safe, but I will never be whole. I really could not imagine ever being “me” again.

Whenever I watched Return of the King, that paragraph gripped me anew. “Threads of an old life…hurts go too deep … they’ve taken hold”. In one respect, it was oddly comforting to know I couldn’t help how I felt. I’d given my best and was given abuse and derision in return. Pain shielded me from the world. Shielded me from getting too close. Shielded me from further heartache. If I held onto that pain, no one would ever hurt me again. But the Spirit of God always gently whispered, “Christy, nothing is impossible with Me, my beloved. Don’t you want to be whole again?”

Shields they may be, but pain and heartache make really bad friends. Being consistently downcast eventually leads to a depression that is tough to escape. God created our hearts to ring with joy, not bask in unhappiness. And by joy, I don’t mean emotional euphoria. I’m talking about spiritual joy, best defined by Kay Warren :”Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” Joy keeps us on the road to closeness with God, even when we don’t feel like reading His word or going to church.  Joy reminds us to have an outward focus. Joy urges us to serve others and develop genuine interest in their lives. Joy prompts us to be thankful. Joy enables us to rejoice in a kitten’s meow, a droplet of rain on a leaf, or a magnificent sunset even in the midst of sorrow.

I can’t remember the specific time I realized that I did not want to remain a victim for the rest of my life. I think the process of opening my heart up to God for healing was gradual. As a wound must be cleaned, my heart needed to drain the putrid, stinking mess that had developed so God could do His healing work. God uses different methods to cleanse us – counseling, friends to whom you can talk, physical activity, etc. For me, writing my two novels, Broken Promise and Nolle Prosequi, was therapeutic and enabled me to release negative feelings and emotions. Most of all, I realized I must forgive my abuser before my healing could ever be complete. Without forgiveness, the bitterness in my heart would have eaten me alive and continually torn my wound open.

I can honestly say today, I feel I’ve been set free. God not only restored me to wholeness, He did something amazing that allowed me to finally be who I always was inside. Shyness and insecurity dogged my “former life”. Only God could use a situation that left me feeling lower than dirt to enable me to embrace the person He created me to be. Though insecurity is something I will always battle to a degree, I feel like a butterfly released of the cocoon. What a relief to be rid of the burden I bore for so long!

Friends, if you’re suffering from pain, sorrow, and heartache and think you’ll never be the same again, please don’t give up. I promise, there is hope. Go to God and ask to be made whole once more. Don’t expect miracles overnight, but if you strive to stay close to Him, one day you’ll wake up and realize that, even though you didn’t always feel positive emotions on the journey, your healing has been accomplished. I still weep when I ponder what God has done for me. I know I will never be the same again – I’ll be better. Thank you, Jesus.

Wanted for Murder: Indifference and Selfishness

The longer I live, the more I realize that Indifference is the murderer of relationships. Indifference to the lives of others. Indifference to their thoughts, cares, and concerns. Indifference to their joys and burdens. Indifference to the happenings of their lives.

Indifference is aided and abetted by its co-defendant, Selfishness, who loves to keep our gaze focused inward. Slowly but surely, Selfishness takes over our field of vision until we can see nothing but else. He greedily consumes us with thoughts of ourselves and thoroughly preps us for Indifference to step in and take over. And Selfishness gets a private giggle out of knowing full well no matter how hard we try to feel good and please ourselves, nothing will work. Selfishness ensures we will never be content. Selfishness and Indifference combined ensures we will also be alone, because the very enemy we embrace drives away those we love.

Christians and non-Christians alike are prone to fall into the pit designed and maintained by Indifference and Selfishness. But when we belong to Jesus, we have an even greater calling to reach out to others. To ignore our fleshly bent toward inward focus. To sentence Indifference and Selfishness to life without parole.

Father God, please work in my heart today. I don’t want to be that tiresome person who kills relationships because I’ve allowed Indifference and Selfishness to drag me into their horrible pit. Give me an outward focus. Remind me to bar the doors of my heart and mind to Indifference and Selfishness. Help me to remember that You created me to serve others in whatever capacity I am able. Above all, keep me diligent in reading Your word and spending time with You and Your people to ensure that the enemy remains in a tightly locked jail cell. Help me to be intentional in looking for opportunities to express genuine interest in the lives of others. Amen.

 

 

So what are my novels Nolle Prosequi and Broken Promise about anyway?

Nolle Prosequi and Broken Promise  – what are they are about? Check out these descriptive reviews by Deborah Stone from Readers Favorite to find out. Deborah did a fantastic job capturing the heart and soul of both stories in her reviews.
“Nolle Prosequi by Christy R Diachenko is a powerful story of forgiveness and learning to wait on the Lord. Nolle Prosequi attempts to shine a light on the sometimes taboo subject of domestic abuse and the reality that there is a way out. Amid these harsh realities is a well written love story that demonstrates not only survival, but second chances for happiness. Elizabeth, Lizzy, is a survivor of domestic abuse and the stark terror of that reality is fully realized when, ten years later, she learns that her ex-husband has murdered his second wife. Overcoming the fear that the memories bring and finding true peace and self worth is still a work in progress for Lizzy, but she puts her trust in God, not man. As Lizzy allows God to direct every area of her life, she learns true forgiveness and patience as she waits for God’s direction. When Lizzy meets Tucker Bates, she is attracted to him, but she knows that is not enough. Lizzy has learned the hard way and she needs to know what God has to say about it.
Christy R. Diachenko gives us a love story of different dimensions, all wonderful. Lizzy’s love and trust relationship with God is her primary focus. Family relationships, friendships, work relationships, beloved pets, and a possible love interest are all beautifully lived out in Christy Diachenko’s touching story. Christy allows us to see and feel just a small piece of what abuse does, the lasting effects it leaves behind, and how it affects new relationships. Escaping is not the end for these women, it’s the beginning of healing and finding their way back into the lives they either lost or never had. Christy Diachenko’s well defined characters and well developed story take us through tragedy and triumph, through forgiveness and healing, and into the peace and freedom that comes from trusting in a faithful God and allowing Him to lead. Christy Diachenko has given us another beautiful story whose characters intersect with characters from her previous novel, Broken Promise.”
“Broken Promise by Christy Diachenko is a tender yet powerful story of love, loss, abuse, and forgiveness. Mickey is carrying the scars and damaged emotions from her past relationship when she agrees to marry her long time friend, Christopher. Christopher has been in love with Mickey for years and is willing to take a chance that she will love him one day and, if not, she will at least be his in this marriage of convenience. He did not realize how hard it would be to live with the woman he loves and remain just friends. Christopher and Mickey move to Montana and buy a ranch where they can raise horses, Mickey’s dream come true, but Mickey has difficulties of her own as she tries to learn to trust and not focus on the pain of the past. In the process, both Mickey and Christopher learn to trust and rely on God daily as they struggle to make this marriage work for both of them.
Christy Diachenko gives us flawed, vulnerable, and damaged characters as they try to make their unconventional marriage work. Christy shows us the long term effects that an abusive relationship can have, and how it can shatter its victims’ hopes and dreams if left unhealed. Mickey struggles to trust Christopher and is totally unaware of the wounds that still need to be healed in her life. Wounded and wary, she is having a hard time putting the past behind her and moving forward in her new life. Christy Diachenko addresses domestic abuse as well as animal abuse with intelligence and compassion.
As Christy’s well written characters find the way through their difficulties by trusting and relying on their Heavenly Father, they are also willing to reach out to others in need and decide to take in abused animals. A variety of social and spiritual issues are wrapped up neatly in this love story, and Christy Diachenko handles each one with understanding and keen awareness. Beautifully written story, I absolutely loved this book and will recommend it to friends. Well done!”

Great Review for Nolle Prosequi!

Thanks to Deborah Stone for a great review of Nolle Prosequi.
“Nolle Prosequi by Christy R Diachenko is a powerful story of forgiveness and learning to wait on the Lord. Nolle Prosequi attempts to shine a light on the sometimes taboo subject of domestic abuse and the reality that there is a way out. Amid these harsh realities is a well written love story that demonstrates not only survival, but second chances for happiness. Elizabeth, Lizzy, is a survivor of domestic abuse and the stark terror of that reality is fully realized when, ten years later, she learns that her ex-husband has murdered his second wife. Overcoming the fear that the memories bring and finding true peace and self worth is still a work in progress for Lizzy, but she puts her trust in God, not man. As Lizzy allows God to direct every area of her life, she learns true forgiveness and patience as she waits for God’s direction. When Lizzy meets Tucker Bates, she is attracted to him, but she knows that is not enough. Lizzy has learned the hard way and she needs to know what God has to say about it.
Christy R. Diachenko gives us a love story of different dimensions, all wonderful. Lizzy’s love and trust relationship with God is her primary focus. Family relationships, friendships, work relationships, beloved pets, and a possible love interest are all beautifully lived out in Christy Diachenko’s touching story. Christy allows us to see and feel just a small piece of what abuse does, the lasting effects it leaves behind, and how it affects new relationships. Escaping is not the end for these women, it’s the beginning of healing and finding their way back into the lives they either lost or never had. Christy Diachenko’s well defined characters and well developed story take us through tragedy and triumph, through forgiveness and healing, and into the peace and freedom that comes from trusting in a faithful God and allowing Him to lead. Christy Diachenko has given us another beautiful story whose characters intersect with characters from her previous novel, Broken Promise.”

Fantastic Review!

Thanks to Deborah Stone for this fantastic review of my novel, Broken Promise, published by Dancing With Bear Publishing.

Broken Promise by Christy Diachenko is a tender yet powerful story of love, loss, abuse, and forgiveness. Mickey is carrying the scars and damaged emotions from her past relationship when she agrees to marry her long time friend, Christopher. Christopher has been in love with Mickey for years and is willing to take a chance that she will love him one day and, if not, she will at least be his in this marriage of convenience. He did not realize how hard it would be to live with the woman he loves and remain just friends. Christopher and Mickey move to Montana and buy a ranch where they can raise horses, Mickey’s dream come true, but Mickey has difficulties of her own as she tries to learn to trust and not focus on the pain of the past. In the process, both Mickey and Christopher learn to trust and rely on God daily as they struggle to make this marriage work for both of them.
Christy Diachenko gives us flawed, vulnerable, and damaged characters as they try to make their unconventional marriage work. Christy shows us the long term effects that an abusive relationship can have, and how it can shatter its victims’ hopes and dreams if left unhealed. Mickey struggles to trust Christopher and is totally unaware of the wounds that still need to be healed in her life. Wounded and wary, she is having a hard time putting the past behind her and moving forward in her new life. Christy Diachenko addresses domestic abuse as well as animal abuse with intelligence and compassion. 

As Christy’s well written characters find the way through their difficulties by trusting and relying on their Heavenly Father, they are also willing to reach out to others in need and decide to take in abused animals. A variety of social and spiritual issues are wrapped up neatly in this love story, and Christy Diachenko handles each one with understanding and keen awareness. Beautifully written story, I absolutely loved this book and will recommend it to friends. Well done!

Memories …

My sister Joy & I loved a movie called “The Little Kidnappers” – a charming tale about the adventures of two wee Scottish lads in Nova Scotia during the early 1900’s. I haven’t watched it since Joy passed away in 2009.

The other day I was thrilled to find the movie in the iTunes Store and began watching it during lunch today. As soon as the main theme began to play, I felt transported back in time. I could see Joy & I in her den – me in the easy chair, she stretched out on the floor with her head on a stack of pillows. Goosebumps covered my arms and the tears came immediately. In that moment, I missed her and felt her loss so intensely I felt I could not breathe.

Joy and I were sisters and best friends. We could pick up immediately where we’d left off, no matter how much time we spent apart. She was always my cheerleader, encourager, and confidant. She suffered such pain toward the end of her life, and I am truly thankful to God for taking her home to be with Him. Joy accepted Jesus as her Savior during her youth and loved to share with others the message of His gift of salvation from sin. I take great comfort in the knowledge that I will see her again in Heaven one day. But for now, for today, I miss her so much it hurts.

I’d planned to share “The Little Kidnappers” soon with friends but I am so glad God orchestrated this private viewing today. I did not anticipate or expect the rush of emotions that theme music would bring. The moment was sad and tearful, yet the memories were so sweet. A bittersweet moment indeed.

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Narcopaths Are Hipocrisy Personified

The best way to avoid a life of misery with a narcopathic hypocrite? Never get involved in the first place.

Free From Toxic

Hypocrite[1]

There is no such thing as a non-hypocritical narcopath. You are more likely to cross paths with a Chupacabra or Big Foot than you are to find a narcopath who isn’t a hypocrite. Narcopaths are hypocrisy personified. It is their middle name. What they say and do in public is the direct opposite of what they say and do in the dark. Hypocrisy is to the narcopath as venom is to a rattlesnake. They go hand in hand like Satan and Hell.

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Poison Control: Why You Should Take The “My” Out of “My Ex-Narcissist”

Free From Toxic

speech 1

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. What a huge lie we all grew up with on the playground at school. Actions may speak louder than words, but words DO hurt us, even our own. They also have the power to influence or destroy, liberate or enslave, encourage or shatter and attach or disconnect.

Perhaps, that’s why I just cringe every time I hear someone or myself say, “MY ex narcissist”. I recognize that many people might think I am making a big to-do about these 3 little words but every word we say matters. Words are so important. Even more than we realize. They literally shape our perceptions and our inner reality. The words we choose not only have a gigantic impact on our listeners but on ourselves as well.

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